I'm Here
by luveverythingtv
Summary: "I love you and I don't want to lose you either, but I refuse to lose myself. And if I go through with this I know I will. So please understand, please accept this. Please just love me while I'm here." Alex/Piper TW:Major character death/cancer. Mix of personal story in here. Please read and review. I know the summary isn't great. Oneshot.


Hey all, so I decided to make this a long oneshot. This story is a mixture of personal and obviously fictional. This is the most emotional fic I think I've ever written. This is dealing with some hard decisions and accepting other people's choices. Also sometimes the line breaks are to represent a undisclosed amount of time. lastly I'm not a doctor or in the medical profession I just used google. If anything it blatantly wrong please let me know I'll try and fix it. TW: cancer, death of major character. Just letting everyone know. I'd really appreciate some feedback. A little hesitant to post this one. Thanks.

* * *

"Hey Pipes wake up, we need to head to the airport it's already 10:45am", Alex says as she enters the bed room and goes to her dresser.

Piper slowly sits up and sighs, she still feels tired even though she called it an early night last night. Piper swung her legs off the side of the bed and went to stand up. When she went to stand fully she groaned in pain and leaned heavily on the bed.

Alex turned around and saw Piper with her eyes closed and face scrunched in pain. Alex quickly rushed to her side and put her hand on Piper's lower back, "Piper? Babe? You ok?"

Piper took a deep breath and nodded, "Yeah. I must have slept in a weird position last night. My leg just hurts."

Alex nodded and waited for Piper to stand on her own before going back to her dresser.

"If you want to shower before the flight you need to go now. We need to get through midtown traffic and I can't miss this flight, I have a meeting basically as soon as we land is France."

Piper nodded and made her way to the bathroom.

Piper showered and got dressed and packed the last few items she would need. Piper knew to pack enough for weeks at a time and for all climates, never knowing where she and Alex were going to be sent next.

* * *

Alex and Piper got into the taxi and made their way to the airport. Alex was on her iPad going over a few last minute mule changes, while Piper laid her head on Alex's shoulder watching out the window as New York City passed them by.

When they finally made their way through midtown and to JFK Piper was exhausted, it seemed no matter how much she slept she was always tired.

Alex and Piper were a little early for their flight so Alex and Piper got lunch in the overpriced airport restaurant.

Alex was still working while they ate, well while she ate, Piper just people watched and pushed her salad around her plate. Alex looked up for a moment and noticed Piper not eating, "You ok?"

Piper snapped her attention to Alex, "Sorry? What?"

Alex pointed at the salad, "You don't like it? You want something else?"

Piper poked the salad again and shook her head, "No, it's fine. I'm just not really hungry"

Alex looked Piper over. It was subtle but she could tell that Piper had lost some weight, "Pipes you need to eat. You've lost weight since we've been home."

Piper nodded and lifted the fork to her mouth appeasing Alex and eating some of the salad.

Alex smiled slightly and went back to work.

* * *

Piper slept for the most part on the plane, using Alex as her personal pillow. By the time they landed Piper had slept for over 9hours straight.

Alex called Fahri telling him that they had landed. Fahri said they were waiting by baggage claim waiting for them.

Alex took Piper's hand and led her through the busy airport. Alex was walking quickly not really realizing that Piper was having a hard time keeping up. Alex made a quick turn and Piper accidentally bumped her shoulder into the corner of the wall. Piper released Alex's hand and grabbed her shoulder in pain.

Alex quickly stopped and turned back to Piper, "Piper? Shit I'm sorry. I thought there was more space. Let me see."

Piper shook her head, "It's fine, just a bit of a shock. Come on Fahri is probably waiting."

Alex nodded and took Piper's hand again kissing her knuckles in apology. This time they took it more at Piper's pace and made their way to baggage claim.

Alex spotted Fahri and walked over to him. Fahri nodded at Alex and gave Piper a quick hug, asking how she was. Piper returned the hug and said, "Good. I've been good. It was nice to be home for a little."

Fahri then looked at Alex and then back at Piper. Piper nodded and looked at the burly man next to Fahri, "Hey sorry, would you mind helping me grab our bags?"

The man nodded and walked with Piper to the rotating belt of luggage. They were able to grab their bags fairly quickly and exited the airport.

Fahri had a cars for them already. Alex and Fahri were to go to their meeting and the other car was going to take Piper to their temporary apartment. Piper nodded and went to the taxi designated for her. Piper got into the car and closed the door. She closed her eyes and dropped her head onto the headrest sighing. Piper opened her eyes when she heard a knock on the window. Seeing it was Alex she rolled the window down.

Piper turned her head to face Alex and gave a tired smile. Alex bent down and leaned her arms against the inside window ledge. Alex smiled at Piper and reached her hand out to cup Piper's cheek, and gently rub the skin there with her thumb. Piper leaned into the touch and kissed the inside of Alex's wrist. Alex looked at Piper and asked again, "You sure you ok? You just seem a little off."

Piper nodded, "Yeah. Maybe I'm going down with something, I'm just tired."

Alex nodded and leaned all the way into the car and kissed Piper. Piper smiled into the kiss and gently played with the tips of Alex's electric blue hair. When Alex pulled back they both had happy smiles. Alex gave Piper one last peck and then stood up looking at the driver, "Be careful with her."

The driver nodded and got into the car turning it on. Alex took a step back and waited as Piper's car took off.

Alex then went with Fahri to her meeting.

* * *

When Piper got to the apartment she immediately went to the windows. The apartment has an amazing view of the Eiffel Tower.

Piper tipped the driver, who's name she learned was Ian, and thanked him for his help with bringing the luggage up.

Piper took a quick shower and ordered some food and a coffee to be delivered. Piper spent the next few hours sitting on the couch watching tv and snacking on a croissant.

* * *

Alex rushed into the apartment slamming the door behind her startling Piper awake. Alex rushed into the bedroom and stripped her clothes off while telling Piper to get ready.

Piper followed Alex into the bathroom asking her what she said.

Alex tied her hair up and got into the shower, "Kubra wants us all at the club tonight. We need new mules for this trip."

Piper sighed and rubbed her eyes, "Do you need me there?"

Alex rinsed off and grabbed a towel as she walked towards Piper. She wrapped her arms around Piper's lower back and gently rubbed circles, "Of course. I need everyone in Paris to know that the hot blonde is mine and that if anyone tries anything I will kill them" Piper smiled at Alex's jealous side, "also, you help to attract the right kind of people."

Piper rolled her eyes and sighed, "Fine. Give me a few minutes to get dressed and put make up on."

Alex smiled and kissed Piper soundly.

* * *

Piper word a new sleeved backless black dress and black heels, while Alex wore her signature black skinny jeans and a black tank.

When Piper stepped out of the bathroom Alex's jaw dropped, "Shit Pipes." Alex took a few steps forward and looked Piper over one more time, "Fuck.. That dress.."

Piper smiled and walked past Alex grabbing her Channel perfume, knowing it's Alex's favorite.

Alex came up behind Piper and kissed her on her open back. Piper leaned into Alex and loved the way Alex held her. Alex moved her hands from Piper's waist and up to her arms, then down to her fingers where she interlocked them with her own.

Alex gently swayed to no music content to just hold Piper in her arms. Piper looked up and gently kissed Alex's neck, "I wish we could just stay like this tonight."

Alex tilted her head down and gently kissed Piper, "Me too Pipes. But it' Kubra that's calling for this."

Piper nodded and begrudgingly left Alex's arms, "Well then we should get going."

Alex nodded and grabbed her purse and she led them down to the awaiting car.

* * *

The club was loud and hot. There was almost no space to turn around. Even with Piper's buzz she was feeling condensed. Piper was sitting at the table with Alex, Fahri, and a few new prospective mules.

Piper was tired but knew it was too early for her to head home without causing problems for Alex. So she ordered another drink and a double shot.

After her drinks Piper was truly tipsy. Piper whispers in Alex's ear that she is going to go dance. Alex nods and watches at Piper makes her way to the dance floor.

Piper loves to dance, sometimes she will dance around the apartment as she cleans. Alex loves to watch and laugh at her calling her, 'her personal WASPy French maid'.

Piper was enjoying the music when all of a sudden she just got cold with chills. Piper figured there was a draft coming from a door somewhere and made her way towards the center where there was less likely to be a draft.

Piper was warming a little but still felt cold. Piper continued dancing until she felt someone, who wasn't Alex, come up behind her and wrap their arms around her waist. Piper wormed and wiggled trying to loosen his hold on her. It wasn't until someone bumped into him and slightly lost his balance did he loosen up. Piper quickly removed herself from his arms and headed back towards Alex and the table. Piper was almost there, she made eye contact with Alex and smiled when someone grabbed her shoulder and roughly turned her around.

It was the same guy from the dance floor. He still had his had on Piper's shoulder and was digging his fingers in. Piper yelped in pain and tried to move away but the guy just dug in harder and pulled Piper towards him grabbing her other wrist. Piper could smell the booze on his breath and tried to back away again. The man then leaned forward and growled in Piper's ear, "Come on blondie I know you want it. I know you were dancing out there just for me."

Piper tried to tell him to let go but she was scared and felt like her body was weakening on her. Before the guy to say anything else the man was on the ground out cold.

Two guys then came and dragged the man towards the exit. Piper was shocked and was about to move when someone's hand rested on her waist. Piper jumped to move out of reach and turned to smack their hand away. But that wasn't necessary because the hand belonged to Alex.

When Piper saw it was Alex she quickly dove into her arms, wrapping her arms around Alex's neck.

Alex held Piper like her life depended on it.

Alex then backed away and looked at Piper, "Are you ok? Did he hurt you?"

Piper shook her head, "No just the bruise on my shoulder. He grabbed it."

Alex wanted to check for herself. Alex then dragged Piper into the VIP bathroom and locked the door.

Alex walked up to Piper and gently peeled the sleeve down to expose the injured shoulder.

Alex gasped and then growled upon looking at Piper's shoulder. "What the fuck Pipes. Did he do this?"

Piper then looked in the mirror behind her and saw the giant purple and blue bruise covering the front part of her shoulder. Alex then looks over the rest of Piper's body and notices the bruise forming on her wrist.

Alex gently kissed the wrist and pulled Piper into her arms.

Alex and Piper stayed like that until there was a knock on the bathroom door. Alex went to open it, it was Fahri. She let him in as Piper was replacing her dress sleeve but Fahri saw the bruised skin.

Fahri walked up to Piper and asked, "Holy fuck Piper. That bastard did that to you?"

Piper finished looking at her shoulder and said, "He just made it worse. The only one he cause was the one on my wrist."

Piper then showed Fahri her wrist. He gently looked at it and nodded his head. He turned to Alex and then back to Piper, "Don't worry, I'll deal with this."

Alex nodded and walked back over to Piper. Piper snuggled into Alex embrace and breathed in Alex's scent.

Fahri then stopped at the door and said, "Alex, Kubra is here. He wants a quick meeting."

Alex nodded and Piper sighed. Fahri left the bathroom leaving them alone. Piper rubbed her temples and said, "I think I'm going to go. I feel like shit and just want to go to sleep."

Alex looked at Piper, "Are you sure? The meeting shouldn't take too long. I don't want to leave you alone."

Piper smiled and gently kissed Alex, "I'll be fine. Promise. Just come home soon, I want my big spoon."

Alex chuckled and nodded, "As soon as I'm done."

Piper nodded and walked out of the bathroom with Alex in tow.

Alex walked Piper to the taxi and waited until she was out of sight to go back into the club.

* * *

Piper got home and took off her dress and makeup, and took two tylenol. She grabbed one of her old college t shirts and crawled into be exhausted and a little sore.

By the time Alex came in Piper was fast asleep. Alex quietly took off her dress and make up and grabbed some water.

She put on a t-shirt also and crawled into bed behind Piper. Alex pulled Piper into her body and wrapped her arm around Piper's middle. Almost knowing that Alex was there Piper scooted back and pulled Alex's arm tighter around her.

Alex smiled and kissed Piper's neck. Alex's smile dropped when she felt the heat that was seriously radiating off of Piper. Alex gently placed her hand on Piper's forehead and could tell she was sweating and had a fever. Alex felt terrible that Piper was sick and that she was going to have to get up in the morning for another meeting and isn't going to be able to be there and take care of her.

Alex just snuggled Piper a little closer and whispered "I love you" into her ear.

Not caring that she too might get sick Alex held onto Piper all night.

* * *

Alex was startled awake by the sound of something crashing. Alex sprang up in bed and tried to pin point where the sound came from. Alex looked around without her glasses but didn't see anything. She then went to wake Piper but realized that Piper wasn't there. Alex then grabbed her glasses and got up, "Piper?"

Alex checked the front door to make sure it was still locked before returning to the bedroom. She called out for Piper again but got no response. Alex then quickly made her way to the bathroom and opened the door. The light was dim but Alex could see enough to make her heart stop.

Piper was laying sprawled on the ground with blood covering her nose and mouth, unconscious.

Alex frantically ran to Piper and quickly pulled her into her arms, "Piper! Pipes can you hear me? Open your eyes baby, come on."

Alex adjusted Piper so she was sitting up and leaning against her chest. Alex could feel Pipers gentle puffs of breath but they were shallow and slow. Alex kept talking in Piper's ear trying to coax her awake. Alex was about 5 seconds away from getting her phone and calling an ambulance when Piper groans and moves her head.

Alex quickly moves Piper's head so she can look at her eyes, "Piper, baby, look at me."

Piper focuses her eyes and looks into Alex's worried green ones, "What? What happened?"

Alex maneuvered Piper so she was leaning against the cabinets while she stood up and got a rag and ran it under some warm water.

Alex then sat in front of Piper and began wiping the blood off of Piper's face.

Piper groaned and went to lean her head back. Alex quickly placed her hand behind Piper's head and tilted her head forward again, 'Ugh ugh, I don't want the blood draining backwards." Piper felt too weak to keep her head up much less argue.

When Alex was sure the bleeding had stopped and Piper's face was clean she helped Piper stand and walked her back to bed.

Piper got into bed and curled into a ball. Alex crawled in behind her and pulled her into her chest again. Piper slowly uncurled and turned to face Alex.

Alex pulled Piper closer so she was basically tucked into her neck. Alex gently rubbed Piper's back and kissed her shoulder. Piper was falling asleep when she whispered, "What's wrong with me?"

Alex sighed and said, "I don't know. But I promise we will find out."

* * *

Alex was up and gone by the time Piper woke up. She left a not on the pillow telling her she would be home hopefully before dark, and to call her if she feels dizzy again or just really ill.

Piper decided to call her dad and check in, he wasn't happy about her relationship with Alex but he was tolerating it for her sake and that was as much as she could hope for.

Piper waited for the phone to connect and smiled when her dad answered, "Hi daddy."

Bill was always happy to hear from his daughter, "Hello sweetheart. How are you?.. and Alex? You two still in New York?"

Piper smiled and was grateful for his attempt at civility towards Alex, "We are good. Actually we are in Paris right now. We will probably be here for a few more day at least. How are you?"

Bill nodded and said, "That's lovely. Is she still treating you right and taking care of you?"

Piper agreed, "Yes daddy. She takes very good care of me. Even when I was sick last night."

Bill's voice became a little strained and asked, "You were sick last night? What was wrong?"

Piper sighed, "Relax daddy. I've just been tired recently. I think I had a fever last night and went to go to the bathroom. But when I got there my nose started bleeding and I passed out. Alex was there and made sure I was ok and that I didn't have a concussion or anything. She was very attentive."

Bill paused before he asked, "Piper when was the last time you got your bloods checked?"

Piper sighed, "Daddy it's been what 12 years? I'm fine."

Bill sighed, "Please Piper, put your dear dad's mind to rest."

Piper groaned, "Alright as soon as I get back to New York I'll make an appointment, okay."

Bill took a deep breath and agreed.

They stayed on the phone for another 30 minutes talking about Carol and her functions and all the places that Piper wants to go to.

By the time they hung up it was almost 4:30pm.

Piper then called her doctor back home in New York and asked for an appointment for 2 weeks from now to do a check up.

Piper then left the apartment and walked around Paris for a few hours enjoying the beautiful Parisian day.

* * *

By the time Piper came back home Alex was back. Piper walked in and found Alex sitting in the office working.

Piper knocked on the door and smiled when Alex looked up. Alex saved what she was working on and beckoned Piper over. Piper slowly walked towards Alex and gently straddled her legs and sat in her lap.

Alex wrapped her arms around Pipers waist and just laid her head on Piper's chest. Piper ran her fingers through Alex's hair and asked, "Rough day?"

Alex just nodded, "We might be going back state side a little sooner than I planned. Kubra wants me watching things there and to make sure everyone is ready and that they remember to stay in line."

Piper nodded and said, "So what a week or two?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah. I'm sorry. I was trying to get some time so we could go to Italy and maybe to Greece. I know how much you want to go to Santorini."

Piper lifted Alex's head and said, "I'm not here because of where you take me, granted its a major plus, but I'm here for you. Just you Alex. I don't care about the rest of it. We could be state side forever, I still love you."

Alex smiled and pulled Piper down for a gently kiss. Of course the kiss turned heated and before either knew it Alex was lifting Piper onto her desk swiping the newspaper and a few spreadsheets onto the floor.

Alex laid Piper back and began to lay on top of her when Piper stopped her, "Wait Al. My back and hips really hurt. Can we move this to our bed?"

Alex chuckled and pulled back, "What's wrong Pipes getting old?"

Piper gasped and said, "Of course not!" Piper gently got off of the desk and walked to the bed room. Alex followed. They spent the rest of the night in bed with Piper showing Alex just how young she is.

* * *

The two weeks passed in no time. Alex and Piper were back at the airport checking their bags. Just before they were to go through customs Piper's nose started bleeding.

Piper quickly grabbed a napkin that was in her purse and held it to her nose, "Damn it."

Alex looked in her bag for extras but didn't have any so she turned to a TSA agent and asked. He looked at her funny but handed her a few sheets of paper towels. Piper thanked the agent that they continued through customs and security with no more incidents.

* * *

When they landed both Alex and Piper were exhausted. They both fell into bed and didn't wake until 2:30pm the next day.

The day was spent mostly unpacking, grocery shopping and making calls to friends and family letting them know they were back in New York.

Piper called Polly and said they should do lunch. Of course Alex was invited but declined asking Piper to tell, "Holly she hopes to see her next time."

Piper rolled her eyes and went to meet Polly for lunch.

* * *

Polly and Piper talked about Piper's latest trips around the world and about her relationship with Alex. Polly filled Piper in on her love life and the love triangle she's currently in with Pete and his old friend Larry.

As lunch is ending Polly tells Piper to, "Just fucking say what you need to say? I can feel your brain over thinking."

Piper smiles softly loving that her best friend knows when something it wrong. "Pol, I need to you take me to Dr. Hernandez next week."

Polly puts her water down and takes Piper's hand, "Are you sure?"

Piper shakes her head, "No. But Pols the way I've been feeling, it's too damn similar. I just need to know so I can tell Alex."

Polly then gently asks, "Does she know? I mean about the first time?"

Piper shakes her head, "No. I never told her. I was hoping I never would."

Polly nods and says, "Of course I'll take you. When?"

Piper gives a thankful smile, "On Tuesday at 10am."

Polly nods and says, "I'll be there."

Piper and Polly pay for their meal and head out. Polly promises to be on time and tells Piper it's all going to be fine.

* * *

Piper tells Alex that she's going to a doctors appointment and then she and Polly are getting lunch.

Alex nods and says, "Ok, would you want to go to Jersey tomorrow night? See my mom?"

Piper smiles and says, "Of course!"

Alex smiled loving how much Piper loves her mom.

* * *

Polly and Piper are sitting in the all to familiar waiting room, waiting for Piper's name to be called.

The nurse came in and called Piper to the back. Polly decided to wait in the waiting room.

Piper went in and took off her shirt and put the paper gown on.

Piper sat and swung her legs under the examination table like she used to do when she was a kid.

Dr. Hernandez came in and smiled, "Hi Piper. I wish I could say it's nice to see you."

Piper smiled and said, "It's ok. I'll admit I'm not all to happy to see you in these circumstances."

The doctor laughed a little and said, "How about we run through this and get those bloods drawn so we can rush them."

Piper nodded and hopped of the table and onto the scale.

The doctor nodded, "You're under what I want to you be but nothing to significant."

Piper nodded and sat back down as the doctor took her blood pressure, pulse, o2 levels, and checked her lungs, eye sight, and hearing.

Piper told him about the weakness, nose bleeds, fever and chills, the bruising and the pain.

The doc drew bloods and sent them down to the lab with a first priority sticker.

Piper put her clothes back on and told the doctor to call the number they have on file.

Piper and Polly left the office and went to a bar not too far away for a few shots. Polly rubbed Pipers back and said, "It'll be ok."

Piper nodded, "yeah. I hope you're right."

* * *

Polly dropped Piper off at home and told her to call her when she heard anything or if she needed a ride.

Piper agreed and thanked her for going with her today.

Piper opened the front door and smiled, Alex was cooking.

Piper put her stuff down and walked into the kitchen. Alex was at the stove stirring dinner. Piper walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around Alex's waist, leaning in and saying, "Smells amazing."

Alex smiled, "Chicken soup. I know you've been feeling pretty crappy. This is what my mom used to make for me when I was sick as a kid. Always did the trick."

Piper smiled and kissed Alex, "Thank you."

Alex nodded and asked, "So how'd it go? What did your doc say?"

Piper sat on the stool at the kitchen island and said, "He doesn't know yet. He drew bloods and said we'll go from there."

Alex looked at Piper and said, "What else?"

Piper looked at Alex and sighed shaking her head, "How about we just wait, please. I don't want this to be ruined. And I don't want to think about it right now. I want a great dinner with my girlfriend and a relaxing night in."

Alex nodded and walked over to Piper kissing her on her forehead, "Ok, but as soon as you know something you let me know. No matter what."

Piper nodded.

Alex and Piper were sitting on the couch watching American Horror Story, well Alex was watching Piper was hiding in Alex's neck.

Alex turned to Piper and tickled her side, "You're supposed to be watching the show with me. Not hiding from it."

Piper pinched Alex's side lightly nipped her neck, and Alex closed her eyes and groaned. Piper then soothed it with her tongue and said, "Watch your show Alex."

Piper moved slightly and continued biting and soothing Alex's neck. Alex wanted more but Piper was relentless. Alex was about to take control when the phone rang. Piper was about to reach for it when Alex stopped her, "Leave it. If it's important they will leave a message or call back."

Piper nodded and allowed Alex to pull her into a heated kiss. The phone stopped ringing and the answering machine picked up, "Hi Piper, this is Rachel from doctor…"

Piper jumped and answered the phone, "Hello? Hi. Yes. Ok.. yeah.. I know. I'm busy tomorrow but I can do Thursday morning. Ok. I'll be there. Can I have someone there with me? Ok. Thank you. Bye."

Piper hung up the phone and ran her fingers through her hair. Alex was looking at her concerned, "Pipes? What's wrong? What did they say?"

Piper shook her head, "Nothing, honestly. They want me to go in to have another test done. Would you be free on Thursday morning? If you're not I'll call Polly."

Alex shook her head, "No I'll be free. Whatever you need ok."

Piper nodded and just curled into Alex, "Can you just hold me tonight?"

Alex kissed Piper's head and nodded, "Of course."

Piper pulled back for a second and said, "I love you."

Alex smiled and kissed Piper, "I love you, too."

* * *

Alex and Piper made the journey across the bridge and to Diane's house. Piper loves going to see Diane. Since the first time they met Diane and Piper hit it off, laughing and joking the whole night.

Alex pulled up to the two story house and turned the car off. Alex looked at Piper and asked again, "Are you sure you're up for this? My mom would understand if you're not."

Piper leaned over and kissed Alex, "Trust me I want to see your mom."

Alex nodded and opened her door. Piper did the same and quickly walked to the front door where it was swung open.

Piper smiled and jogged to Diane giving her a big hug. Diane squeezed Piper tight pulled her into the house.

Alex smiled as her mom fawned over her girlfriend. Alex loved how well Piper and her mother got on, she wouldn't have known what to do if they hadn't. When Diane was done with Piper she turned to Alex and pulled the brunette into a big hug as well.

Diane then led them to the living room telling them to sit. Diane sat in the recliner and Alex sat on the couch. Before Piper could sit Alex pulled her into her lap. Piper squeaked and fell into Alex's lap.

Before Piper could say anything Alex kissed her. Piper smiled into the kiss and then made herself comfortable in Alex's lap.

Diane wanted to cry seeing her daughter so happy.

Diane was going to cook but Alex and Piper refused to let her. So instead they ordered pizza and beer. They sat around talking, laughing, gossiping, and playing cards. Piper was losing when her nose started bleeding.

Piper jumped up and went to the bathroom excusing herself. Alex and Diane were both going to go help but Piper assured she had it taken care of.

Alex looked worried but allowed Piper to go alone.

While Piper was in the bathroom Diane and Alex spoke softly, "Alex calm down. It's just a nose bleed. You used to get them."

Alex shook her head, "This isn't the only one ma. She just hasn't been feeling good. She went to the doctors yesterday, they want her to come in tomorrow for more tests. I mean what if something is wrong?"

Diane shook her head, "No. Don't start that shit. Don't worry until there is something to worry about."

Alex sighed and tried to take her mothers advice.

* * *

Piper was sitting in the waiting room with Alex who was bouncing her leg and rubbing her hands on her jeans.

Piper finally took her hand and held it in hers, "Relax. I need you calm for this ok."

Alex nodded.

When they finally called Piper's name Alex was damn near pacing the hallways. Piper took off her shirt and bra and changed into the gown and handed Alex her clothes. Alex placed them in the bag and walked with Piper to the exam room.

Alex wasn't expecting it to look so surgical.

Alex was handed a pair of scrubs and was told to go wash up over there if she was going to go in with Piper. She handed the nurse Piper's clothes and did as told.

Piper was prepped and laying face down on the table when Alex entered. The doctor smiled at Alex and told her, "You can stand by Piper's head. You're allowed to hold her hand but try not to move her. We want her to be as still as possible."

Alex nodded and went to Piper.

Alex looked at Piper's face and could tell she was mentally preparing for this. Alex took Piper's hand and squeezed, "I'm right here."

Piper kissed Alex's hand and nodded.

The doctor then stood to Piper's side and said, "We are ready to do the spinal tap whenever you are."

Piper nodded and shakily said, "Ready as I'll ever be."

Piper shut her eyes tight and held Alex's hand.

Alex was trying to see what was happening but when she saw the needle she didn't want to see anymore. Alex felt Piper tense and whimper in pain. Alex spoke softly in her ear and told her she loved her and that she was so strong.

The procedure was done and Piper was given a bandaid, some pain killers, and a hospital room for the night.

* * *

Piper was released the following morning since she was doing so well.

Alex helped Piper in and out of the car and into the bed. Piper's back was sore but it was tolerable.

Alex gave Piper one of her pain killers and laid her down in bed. While Piper was sleeping Alex did some work and told Fahri about what was going on.

While Piper was sleeping her phone rang. Alex answered it quickly to try and prevent waking Piper up.

"Hi can I speak with Ms. Chapman?"

Alex sighed, "Who's calling?"

"This is Rachel from Dr. Hernandez's office."

Alex sighed and said, "one second"

Alex turned to Piper and gently woke her up, "Piper, it's the docs office. They're on the phone."

Piper took the phone and talked to Rachel.

"Yeah. Alright. Yeah,I can come in tomorrow. Ok. Thank you. Bye."

Alex looked at Piper and said, "So?"

Piper sighed, "I'm going in tomorrow. He has the results."

Alex nodded, "What time?"

Piper looked at Alex, "Don't you have a meeting with Fahri tomorrow?"

Alex looked Piper in the eye and said, "Fuck Fahri, he can wait."

Piper nodded, "11:30am."

Alex nodded, "Ok.'" Alex took Piper's hand and kissed her knuckles, "I'm here. Don't push me away."

Piper looked at Alex and a few tears fell. Alex laid down on her back and gently pulled Piper to her chest.

Piper wiped her tears and listened to Alex's heart beat, letting it sooth her back to sleep.

* * *

Alex and Piper were waiting in the doctors office. Alex was nervous because there were multiple doctors in this building and she couldn't tell what kind Hernandez was.

When the door opened Piper held Alex's hand a little tighter and took a deep breath.

Doctor Hernandez came in and sat down across from Piper, "Hi Piper."

Piper smiled and said, "Hello. So what's it say doc?"

Doctor Hernandez placed the file on the desk and said, "I'm so sorry Piper."

Piper nodded and tilted her head back to try and keep the tears at bay. Alex looked between Piper and Hernandez, "Someone want to tell me? Cause I'm a little in the dark here."

Piper turned to Alex and said, "Al, Doctor Hernandez is my oncologist. Has been for the last 11 years. I have Leukemia."

Alex's face drained, "Wh-what?"

Alex then looked at the doctor and asked, "Your a cancer doctor?"

The doctor nodded, "I treated Piper the first time a little more than 10 years ago."

Alex looked from Piper to the doctor, "Alright. So how do we make her better? I don't care how much it's going to cost."

The doctor explained all of the options to best treat Piper's cancer, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, stem cell therapy, immunotherapy.

Alex looked to Piper but she was just looking out the window. Alex took Piper's hand, "Pipes…"

Doctor Hernandez looked between the two women and said, "You don't need to decide right now but the sooner the better. It's advancing quickly."

Piper shook her head, "I've already made up my mind."

Alex nodded, "Ok good. Now we know where to start. What are you doing?"

Piper looked at Alex, "None."

Alex choked, "What?!"

Piper licked her lips and said, "None. I'm not going to get treatment. Not again."

Alex stood up and said, "What no! You have to!"

Alex then rushed out of the office to to the car. Piper slowly collected her things and thanked Doctor Hernandez.

The doctor looked at Piper and asked, "Are you sure about this Piper? I know it was really bad last time. But maybe it will be different this time?"

Piper shook her head, "I don't think I could go through it again doc. You remember how bad it was, and it was no where near as progressed as it is now. I just.. I want to go on my terms. I want to be happy. And this, with Alex is the happiest I've ever been. So yes, I'm sure."

Hernandez nodded, "Well I will call and maybe I can prescribe something that will make it more manageable."

Piper nodded and walked out.

* * *

Alex was sitting in the car head tilted back eyes closed.

When Piper got into the car she went to start the car but Piper stopped her, "Talk to me."

Alex looked at Piper and let the tears fall, "You need to fight it. You need to."

Piper tried to take a calming breath but her voice cracked, "A-Alex. The first time I was diagnosed I was 12. My parents did everything. Every single therapy that was available. We did it. And it wasn't the therapy itself, it was the after affects. It was when I could finally keep something down, when I could finally feed myself, when I could walk to the bathroom on my own, when I had gained just a little bit of dignity, it was time for another round. This one stronger than the last. It took 2.5 years for me to finally go into remission. But in those 2.5 years I spend a majority of them bound to a bed or in the hospital fighting some infection. I couldn't be around people who were sterilized because my immune system was too compromised. I don't want to go through that again Alex. I don't want you to see me waste away. I don't want to die like that."

Alex and Piper were both freely crying. Piper put her hand into Alex's hair and pulled her forward, putting all of her emotion into the kiss. When the kiss broke Alex sobbed and asked her again, "Please, fight this. I don't want to lose you."

Piper looked into Alex's eyes and said, "I love you Alex Vause, and I don't want to lose you either, but I refuse to lose myself. And if I go through with this I know I will. So please understand, please accept this. Please just love me while I'm here."

* * *

Alex drove Piper home and told her she would be back later. Piper nodded and told her she loved her. Alex kissed Piper and got back into the car.

Alex drove to the diner where her mom works and stepped inside. As soon as Alex walked through the door Diane was taking off her apron and telling her boss she needed a few minutes. Her boss has known the Vause family for years and told Diane to take as much time as she needs.

Diane led Alex to behind the building. Alex's eyes were red and puffy from crying and she couldn't seem to steady her breathing. Diane finally grabbed Alex's shoulders and got her to breathe with her. When Alex was a little calmer Diane asked, "What's going on Al?"

Alex told her everything. Diane was crying, wondering how the universe could be so cruel. Diane pulled Alex into a tight hug and told her, "Al, you need to be with her. Because if she's not going through treatment then you need to be with her every second that you possibly can."

Alex swallowed, "But how. How do I be with her knowing she's dying and there isn't a damn thing I can do? How do I let the love of my life go?"

Diane tried to wipe Alex's tears the way she used to when she scraped her knee, "I wish I knew baby, I wish I knew."

Alex calmed enough to drive back home and promised to bring Piper by soon.

* * *

Alex walked into the door and found Piper siting on the floor with the brochures.

Alex sat next to her silently.

"I see all of these options and all I see is suffering, and maybe another decade before having to maybe do it again."

Alex sat and thought, what is every couple years Piper had to go through this again? The suffering? Could she ask her to do that?

Alex pulled Piper to her and said, "I'm here. No matter what. Whatever you need."

Piper sobbed and curled into Alex's chest. Alex held her tight and told her over and over how much she loved her.

* * *

Piper having to tell her family and Polly nearly broke her. Of course they all were against Piper's decision but they couldn't deny how bad it was the first time. They wouldn't wish that on their worst enemy.

It actually took Piper yelling at her brother Danny for everyone to realize how hard this must be for her. How hard this decision must be, how much thought went into it. "I'm 23 years old Danny! I love tequila, and partying, I love getting my hair and nails done, I love old movies, I love traveling, I love my girlfriend. There are a lot of things that I love in this world! I'm not choosing to die Danny, I'm dying. Plain and simple. But I'm choosing how I die. And not many people can say that. Yeah I can go through the treatments but I would be miserable and for what, 5 extra years 10 if I'm lucky before I have to do it again? Do I want to live everyday with this dark cloud hanging over my head? Finally be happy again only for this to happen again? I'm 23 Danny! I want to live! I don't want to die, but I refuse to not live and be happy while I can."

From that moment on everyone supported Piper's decision.

* * *

Doctor Hernandez prescribed some meds to help with the bone pain and the bruising.

Piper finally decided what she wanted. She made a list and showed it to Alex. She knew it would be hard with the cartel but she was hoping that Alex would be able to get some time off.

Alex explained the situation with Piper to Fahri who explained it to Kubra. Surprisingly Kubra was understanding and was allowing Alex to take time off under the condition that if something did come up she was to be available. Alex agreed to those terms.

Piper made a bucket list five things she wanted to do.

Be a tourist and go to the top of the Empire State Building. Sleep under the stars on the beach. Drive a 1962 red corvette. Eat pasta in Italy. Get married.

* * *

Alex and Piper started the list with things that could be done right in the states. Alex waited for a nice New York day and surprised Piper by renting out the top floor of the empire state building allowing Piper basically free range to take pictures and see everything without anyone in the way.

Piper made Alex take a selfie with her. She saved it and then took a few more some with her kissing Alex's cheek and others with Alex just behind her kissing her cheek or smiling. Alex would do anything to keep Piper smiling the way she was.

* * *

Piper hadn't been feeling all too well the previous week so Alex brought her to Dr. Hernandez. The doctor told Piper that the cancer was going to start spreading, most likely lungs next but there is no sure fire way of knowing.

That weekend Alex talked to Bill and pulled a few strings and was able to get her hands of a 1962 red corvette in perfect condition.

Piper was home at the time waiting for Alex to come back from the supermarket. Alex walked back in without any groceries only a few shopping bags.

Piper looked at Alex and said, "Babe you were supposed to get milk, eggs, bread, and pasta. Not sunscreen and aloe."

Alex smiled and said, "Yes well change of plans. Pack a bag Chapman, we're going to Cali."

Piper squealed and jumped into Alex's arms. Alex put her on the ground and smacked her ass telling her to hurry that the plane leaves in a few hours.

Piper was waiting by the exit when she heard it. The car purred as it rolled around the corner. Piper stood up and watched it stop right in front of her, then she watched Alex step out. Piper's jaw dropped. Alex found her dream car.

Piper walked to Alex and stuttered, "Whhat.. Hhow!?"

Alex smiled and said, "Few friend of your dad's and a few friends of mine."

Alex then handed Piper the keys and said, "Well lets go."

Piper grabbed the keys and happily walked to the drivers side. Piper started the car and loved the sound.

Alex directed Piper to the beach house that they would be staying in.

The next few nights were spent sun bathing and swimming.

On their last night Alex pulled Piper off the couch and led her to the beach with a few blankets. Alex laid them out and laid down, gently guiding Piper down to join her. Piper had been in more pain this past week so Alex made sure to be gentle.

When they laid back Piper gasped at how many starts could be seen on the clear night. Piper snuggled into Alex's side and kissed her, "Thank you, for doing all of this."

Alex just pulled Piper closer and kissed her head, "I don't want to be doing anything else."

* * *

The next day instead of flying back to New York like Piper thought the ticket said Florence, Italy. Piper gasped and turned to face Alex.

Alex smiled and said, "Come on there is pasta calling our name."

Piper looked miserable on the plane. Piper didn't need to go back to the doctors to know that the cancer had probably spread. Breathing was becoming difficult, moving to quickly, even stairs.

Piper hated how fast this was progressing but was trying to make the best of it.

By the time they landed Piper was too tired to do anything. So they went to their hotel and had a quiet night in.

By the next morning Piper was feeling a little better not much but enough for her to wake Alex up saying she wanted to explore. Of course by lunch time they have eaten pasta four time at four different places.

That night on their walk back to the hotel Alex pulled Piper aside and kissed her. She looked her in the eye and said, "I love you. And I hate that this is happening to you, to us. But I don't ever want you to doubt how much I love you. I don't want you to think I'm doing this because you're sick or anything because this has been on my mind and heart for a while, and this ring has been burning a hole in my pocket for almost 9 months." Alex then got down on one knee and asked, "Piper Elizabeth Chapman, will you please make me the luckiest woman on this planet and marry me?"

Piper as crying. She pulled Alex up and kissed her hard nodding her head. "Yes , yes 500 times yes."

Alex sniffled and shakily put the ring on Piper's finger. The ring was simple and elegant. It was a gold band with a singular diamond in the center. Alex lifted Piper and swung her around in pure joy. When Alex put her down Piper looked into Alex's eyes and sincerely said, "I love you so much."

Alex and Piper left Italy two days after, except one of those days was spend inside with Piper showing Alex just how much she loved her.

* * *

When Piper showed Polly the ring the entire restaurant went silent, "HOLY SHIT SUPERCUNT HAS STYLE!"

Piper laughed but was having a hard time breathing. She was wheezing and coughing. Polly held her hand and looked at her with sympathy, hating that this was happening to Piper and there wasn't a damn thing anyone could do to help her.

Polly and Piper enjoyed their lunch and when they were done Polly helped Piper up the stairs and into the apartment.

When Piper closed the door she could hear Alex moving around, actually there was a lot of movement for it to just be Alex. When Piper rounded the corner she gasped. Her family, Diane, and Alex were all there. There were fairly lights hanging and candles burning. Piper looked around and asked, "What? what is going on?"

Alex smiled and took Piper's hand, "I don't want to wait. I don't want to wait to call you my wife. I want you to be Piper Vause. So I called your dad and he got everyone together. So if you're up for we have everything we need to do this. Now."

Piper nodded, "Of course I want to marry you now!"

Both Alex and Piper got dressed. Because it was so last minute Piper was in a very simple dress that accentuated Piper's now slim frame.

When the time came Bill walked Piper out of the bedroom and into the living room, and Diane walked Alex from the spare room to the living room. Alex's heart almost stopped upon seeing Piper. She had never look more stunning. Bill gave Piper's hand to Alex nodded.

Bill stood next to Carol and watched as their baby girl got married to the love of her life.

* * *

A few days after their wedding Alex was called to London. It trip should only take a few days and she would be back as soon as she could.

Piper knew it was bound to happen so she didn't argue, just said hurry back.

Diane was staying with Piper while Alex was gone. They were watching a movie when one of Piper's coughing fits started. Diane grabbed her a water and rubbed her back. Diane hated seeing someone as lively and outgoing like this. Piper had so much more life to live, it just wasn't fair.

Diane stood to get Piper more water when she heard the fall. Diane quickly grabbed a phone and dialed 911. Piper was unconscious and barely breathing.

The EMT's arrived and quickly started chest compressions. They got the paddles ready. Diane crouched down and told Piper to fight just a little longer. To fight until at least Alex comes home. That seemed to work because just before the EMT's called it Piper's heart started beating.

Diane sighed and whispered , "Good job kid."

The EMT's rushed Piper to the hospital. Diane called Piper's parents and told them what happened.

She then called Alex.

Alex was about to leave JFK to come home, when she got her moms call. Alex had the taxi turn around and head straight to the hospital. Alex came sprinting in. "Where is she?"

Diane walked Alex to Piper's room and told her what happened. Alex walked into the room and kissed Piper's head. Piper's eyes fluttered open and whispered, "Alex?"

Alex bent down and stroked her cheek, "I'm right here Pipes. I'm here." Piper coughed and everything inside her felt like it was rattling. Alex cringed at the sound. Piper tugged on Alex's sleeve and barely whispered, "I want my big spoon." But Alex understood. Alex took off her shows and her jacket and crawled into the bed.

Piper looked so small tucked into Alex in that hospital bed. But that's how Piper's family saw them, and it's how the hospital staff allowed them to stay; no one having the heart to break the two a part.

Alex woke the next morning with Carol and Bill looking at Piper. Alex sat up and gently tried untangled herself from Piper to get some coffee. Piper whimpered. Bill couldn't look at his daughters pained expression so he told Alex to stay. Bill left to get the coffee.

Carol stroked Piper's blonde hair out of her face. "You know she has always been the one to do what she wants? Always did what was best for her. I admire that about her. Even when it came to you. She told me 'you were all she focuses on' that you two were 'inevitable'. I thought she was being stupid, just going through a phase. But it seems she was right, you two are meant for each other."

Alex looked at Carol and could see the pain she was trying to hide. Alex laid back down and pulled Piper to lay on her chest.

* * *

Piper's breathing was getting worse and worse. Piper asked for a minute alone with her parents, then with her brothers, Polly, Diane, and then Alex.

Alex sat back in the bed with Piper and let Piper snuggle into her side. Piper laid her head on Alex's shoulder and said, "I love you."

Alex couldn't stop the tears, she knew what Piper was doing, "Piper, please. I need you."

Piper was really struggling now, but she lifted her hand and gently placed it on Alex's chest right above her heart, "I'm right here Al, when ever you need me. I'm right here."

Piper tugged on Alex's hair and pulled her down to her. Piper kissed Alex with all of the love she had. Piper then laid her head back on Alex's chest and listened to her heart beat as she felt her getting slower. Piper laid her hand on Alex's heart and gently tapped. There were a few minutes of silence before the machines went off, before the doctors came rushing in, before they tried and failed to bring Piper back. There were a few minutes where Alex felt at peace, and she knew it was because Piper was finally at peace too. Because like Piper said they were inevitable.

* * *

It was about a week after the funeral and Alex was mess. Kubra and Fahri showed up to the funeral to pay their respects. Kubra told her to come back when she's ready.

Alex hadn't moved from the bed in two days besides to use the bathroom or to get a new bottle of alcohol from the cabinet. Alex laid on her side of the bed and held Piper's pillow. She didn't want to move anything because it still smelled like her.

Alex was standing to get another bottle of whiskey when there was pounding at her front door. Alex considered ignoring it but it was Diane. "I know you're in there. Open the damn door before I have to pick the damn lock. You know my eye sight isn't what it used to be."

Alex sighed and opened the door, "What're you doing here ma?"

Diane closed the door and locked it. Diane looked Alex over and quickly snatched the bottle from her hand and placed it on the counter. Alex was surprised but also angry, "What the hell?!"

Diane pointed her finger and told Alex to sit. Alex sat on the couch.

Diane took a seat on the coffee table in front of Alex. Diane went into her purse and handed her a sealed envelope.

Alex looked at Diane and asked, "What is this?"

Diane shrugged, "Piper gave it to me, she said I would know when the right time to give it to you would be. I think it's time."

Alex gently opened the envelope and tears came forth, Piper's handwriting.

Alex began to read,

 _Alex,_

 _I am so sorry. I know you wanted me to fight this from the beginning. I know you are hurting and angry. And I am so sorry. I wish I could take this pain away, I wish you never had to go through this pain, but more than anything I wish I could be there with you. You Alex Vause are my best friend (don't tell Polly), my confidante, my wife. I loved you like I've never loved before. And because I love you I want you to keep living. I know it's going to take some time but, I want you to fulfill every dream, every wish, every desire. I want you to find love again. I want you to laugh at our jokes, and smile at the memories we made. I want you to be happy. So to help you along I've given you a few tasks, after which you choose._

 _Go to the empire state building and take a selfie, remember why we love this city_

 _sleep under the stars, and remember how vast our world is_

 _Travel, find someplace you love_

 _Life your life Al._

 _5\. Love again._

 _I Piper Vause, love you and I will always be 'right here' , I'm always here._

 _Love,_

 _Your Pipes._

Alex folded the paper and put it back into the envelope. Her hands shook and sobs where choking her. Diane was crying too but took Alex's hands and pulled her into her chest cradling Alex. Alex whispered, "She gone, she's really gone."

Diane nodded and said, "I know. But she lived and died how she wanted. She was pretty badass for someone from Greenwich."

Alex smiled and laughed a little as she clutched the letter a little tighter. Alex and Diane spent the rest of the day laughing about the things Piper did or said. Remembering the little things.

* * *

Alex waved to the camera and took a few selfies. Alex hated that she was doing this but couldn't help but smile. When she looked at the pictures and she could see where her hand was unsteady. She was about to delete it when she took a closer look, it almost looked like someone was leaning over her. Alex looked around quickly but ignored it. Alex decided to keep the picture. She took out Pipers letter and smiled, "Yeah yeah, I know. 'I'm Always here' ."


End file.
